Self Esteem and Vanity

So, I’m still in Seattle trying to somewhat plan for my trip to Argentina. My primary concern is to find a place to stay. I’ve been emailing several hostels and guesthouses and using the Lonely Planet guidebook to help me select one. I have what I consider to be a frugal but comfortable budget and am looking for something in the $400-$600 USD range for monthly rent. At least this is my idea as a newbie set out for a new city and surfing the net; when I arrive, I may be able to find better deals. So far I’ve hit a few dead ends and disappointments, which is unavoidable when working on a budget. Other than accommodation, of course the concern is: what shoes do I pack??

It’s strange to look out on the gray and raining day and think that in a week and a half I’ll be sweating in the summer sun. And by strange I mean totally awesome! In all seriousness though, this is possibly the worst part about taking a trip: the pre-trip. It’s all about paperwork, packing, saying goodbye, worrying about international bureaucracies, airports, etc.

However, I’ve done this before, and I’m kinda prepared and experienced. Kinda. This is a different sort of trip though, I’m going to Buenos Aires to live and try to establish a sort of lifestyle for a minimum of four months and a maximum of a year. It’s kind of a strange challenge I set for myself and makes this trip stand out against my other two long-term international jaunts.

So, why the obsession about going to South American now? Why this strange challenge? I’m fairly happy where I am right now. I have a great boyfriend, comfortable place to live, my job is OK, (though it leaves something to be desired) but all in all I’m pretty cozy with my current lifestyle. Why change? Well, I’m looking at dates and years and the way they pile up to mark the passage of time, and I came to the realization: I’m going to be 30 in 5.5 years. That’s a long time, and that’s no time at all! Plus, I have in mind to do a lot before I turn 30. Living in South American is one of those goals, so I feel like I need to grab this opportunity while it’s available.

This whole passage of time is kind of a scary thought that’s only recently started to encroach on my life. Normally, I fret over how to spend my free hours and I have to sometimes strive to think of things to do, especially during inclement winters. But, now I realize that time is starting to push me around. It’s suddenly very relevant to start doing big, important things before it’s too late.
Maybe this sounds a little high strung and even borderline panicky. Those who know me won’t be surprised by this hyperactive thinking though. I’m a very goal oriented person who is prone to depression and anxiety during any lapse in goal orientation. This trip frankly had to happen or I would regret it and lose faith in myself.